Turbo Sub

Review by John DeLuna
First I'd like to say that I'm giving Turbo Sub a one because GameFAQs wants me to. Second, there might be a game out there that matches Turbo Sub in pure disgust, but I haven't found it. And finally, I gaurentee you that there is NO game worse than this. Now, moving on...

Turbo Sub is quite simply, awful. In every aspect. It's absolutely unplayable. And it's very *release* defies explanation. So what is Turbo Sub? Well...in TS, you pilot a small, military submarine on a rampage throught water. Blowing up all sorts of enemies, such as mines, other subs, and marine life. And that's just underwater. You'll also have to deal with an aerial assault of warplanes. All this is going on while you steer your sub around various obstacles at high speeds. At least that's what Turbo Sub is *supposed* to be. Fact is I couldn't tell what the heck I was doing or what was going on around me. The unbearably bad graphics and *way* too fast pace made gameplay impossible. I can't summarize any further. The best way to describe this game is piece by piece. So away we go...

GRAPHICS: Well I'll base my rating on the screen shots that appear on the box. Because the insane speed that the game races along with makes it impossible to tell what *anything* is, let alone rate it. From said screen shots it's clear that everything in TS is very pixelated. It almost looks unfinished. The underwater scenes are basic and include NO detailing. And the surface shots are just a mess. You can tell where the horizon is. There's no definate lines to anything, it all just bleeds together. Don't get me started on the sprites, an octopus looks just like a depth charge. And a depth charge resembles another sub. Take these horrible graphics and wiz them by at 100 mph and you get the idea of what Turbo Sub looks like. Negative ***

SOUND: What sound?! Turbo Sub has absolutely NO music, anywhere in the game. Instead, what we get is one sound effect. ONE. And it's a really bad one too. A weak "ka-boom" is all we get, and it's used for everything, from exploding mines to resurfacing(!). Truly pathetic. The lack of music is one thing, but only one sound effect is inexcusable. They could have *at least* recycled some from other games. Negative ****

CONTROL: Here's how Turbo Sub starts...100 mph, here's how it ends...100 mph. You're just thrust into the game at high speed. With no brakes. And without any chance to adjust or LEARN the controls. Bah, this is a joke. To it's "credit" there *is* a targeting system to help fire your torpedos. But if you can aim, fire and hit something before it wizzes by, it's a miracle. And don't bother trying to surface. There are so many enemy planes firing at you, it's impossible to keep track of every one. And why bother? There are rapids that kill you instantly on the surface. So have to forget about shooting planes down and you're forced to dodge rocks all day. Negative ****

OPTIONS: Comprende? There aren't ANY. Of course I couldn't bear playing this garbage past five minutes so who knows...

REPLAY: Why would you want to replay a game that kills you in under two minutes gaurenteed? I wouldn't. And don't think I'm kinding about the two minute death either. There's so many enemies, and you're going so fast, it's suicide. Imagine going the wrong way down the freeway without breaks. No rating.

This game is so bad it's FUNNY. Well...maybe not. If it was free it would be funny. But since it cost me five bucks it's merely embarrassing. It's unplayable. Avoid this game. If you ever see it...RUN. FAST. It's the worst game to grace a Lynx screen. And quite possibly, it's the worst game that will EVER be released.

Reviewer's Score: 1 / 10